Traumatic events can have a huge impact on children, whether the child is directly involved or if the trauma involves family/friends. Here are a few suggestions on how to help a child during and after a traumatic event:
- You must first acknowledge your own feelings about the event.
- It is normal to be in a state of shock immediately after a traumatic event takes place. Be prepared that your child’s symptoms (if they have any) may develop after a few days, once the reality of the trauma sets in.
- Set aside time each day to focus on your children. Face your children, give them eye contact and listen to them. Turn off the TV, radio, eliminate other distractions.
- Reassure your children that they are safe and people (firefighters, police, medics) continue to work to make sure they stay safe.
- Limit the amount of TV, radio, and media exposure for yourself and your children. It’s important to get updates and news about the event (as appropriate), but watching the same trauma repeatedly and listening to interviews can lengthen the healing process.
- Maintain the child’s schedule: bed times, eating schedules, hygiene routines. While some time off school may be appropriate depending on the event, it is important for life to resume as soon as possible.
- Children have no language or model for grieving until adults provide this. By helping them identify their emotions, you are teaching your child to talk about their feelings instead of acting them out through behaviors.
- It’s important to get an idea of how your child is viewing the event. Acknowledge and validate the ‘scariness’ of the event, and gently correct any exaggerations, set limits.
- Remind your children that they had absolutely no part in creating or causing the events.
- Encourage activities to allow expressions of grief: physical activity, listening to music, creating a dance, relaxation activities, or drawing pictures.
- Encourage children to use all of their support systems including spending time talking to their friends about what has happened.
- Going to a funeral can allow children an opportunity to say goodbye. The reasons why funerals can be helpful should be explained, but do not pressure your child into going.
Pay particular attention to:
- Apathy and withdrawal from family and friends.
- Significant drop in school performance.
- Out-of-control behaviors including sudden anger outbursts or aggression.
- General inability to control themselves physically or emotionally.
- Preoccupations with or idealizing violence or death.
- Unusually good behavior and a relentless need to please.
- Any verbalization of suicidal thought, not wanting to be around anymore, sleeping “and not waking up” or wishing they could join someone that previously died (recent trauma or distant death).
- Indications of alcohol or drug abuse.